Eye Contact - A New Contact Sport

Years ago when I worked in New York City, I walked from Grand Central Station to Bonwit Teller where I was on the College Board sales staff. I enjoyed the walk of fifteen or so blocks. I recollect that I never mastered the subway system so was probably avoiding the underground. It was a summertime stroll, sometimes leisurely, sometimes rushed to catch the commuter train home for an hour long ride. It was that summer that I began to try to catch the eyes of the busy, impersonal New Yorkers, who were always in a hurry, rushing to catch trains and make appointments. Eye contact was a contest I rarely won then. I now find myself continuing the habit today in Washington. I walk a brisk half mile and have ample opportunity to pass many people, often the same ones day-to-day. There are different reactions to my silent greeting. Many passersby do no know I am there. Some glimpse and do not respond. Others cautiously smile, and, as days pass, acknowledge the recognition. Today one tall man smiled broadly and greeted me with a friendly, "Hello!" For me, the personal exchange with women is more comfortable. Men, particularly when passing in the dark, imply more threats, more dangers where I do not want my glances to be interpreted as invitations. The game is fun and harmless. This habit came to my attention a few years ago. I sat at a table on an hour long ferry ride, a familiar transit, while my husband dozed in the car. I shared my table with another couple, and our conversation led to the discovery of much in common. At journey's end when I left them to wend my way below to the car deck, I was surprised by a driver who popped out of her car. A stranger, she had been watching me during the trip and claimed she had never seen a face so attentive. An unexpected compliment, especially from a stranger, lingers in my memory. The lessons of eye contact go beyond dailiness but can become a lifelong habit of listening.