Aging

There are no rules for growing old. Tracy Kidder suggested in his book Old Friends that in the last stage of life one continues to show the virtues and vices of a lifetime: leadership, activity, independence, whining, self-centeredness. Mom has turned 90 this month. She has gone from the height of celebration to the depth of illness in a short time. While bronchitis has not hospitalized her, it has threatened her equanimity. A month ago she felt strong and energetic; a week ago she was despondent and admitted to depression. She seems to be on the mend, and we have established an additional safety net: occasional visiting nurses, weigh-ins with Virginia, increased availability of Jackie and Betty for cleaning and chores, Meals-on-Wheels (if we get through the bureaucracy). She has lost weight and has been taking the wrong dose of medication. We'll see if we can get her back to feeling good. She seemed to perk up over the weekend. The evaluating nurse thought she looked wonderful. She bounded up the stairs to show her bedroom/bathroom and was cautioned to 'slow down'. She ate '3 squares' and seemed to regain some appetite. A little color returned to her cheeks. She napped and continues to need additional rest. Her change of situation has provided a good opportunity to project 30 years ahead and anticipate my own decline. Wills, living wills, financial management do not provide guidance as to helping in the decisionmaking process. It seems it is important to involve mom in decisions as long as she is able to make them, to explore options, and to continue to assess how she is doing. She has shown a pattern of resisting change and then accepting the suggestion: Lifeline, kitchen floor, Meals-on-Wheels. I am afraid her children have not managed her care as a team. Although one oversees financial decisions and another closely monitors the health care, we tend to rely on 'someone' else stepping in; it is easy for something to fall between the cracks. Perhaps the recent events will put on on better alert and improve our coordination.