End of March

As I exposed myself on a blog to the world, writing felt more public. Since no one has read or commented on my entries, I am beginning to feel a blog is really a very private medium - just an automated journal. Since I have kept a number of travel journals over the last few years, it may be easier to maintain a record of my thoughts in one place. I'll see. I am still uncertain as to the depth of revelation I want in my blog. I am also uncertain about its direction.

Let me continue with the retirement theme. I am about to interview for another contract, this time with my former firm. It will be odd to talk to people I know. I am not sure if I want to 'go back'. I do need to stretch my brain. I have found that the interaction in a contract position frees me from all the internal politics. I do not care as deeply about the work; I only care that I do my best. I have gained some skills mostly in word processing features that I never bothered to learn and in diagramming tools and techniques. I have also had the freedom to observe my dynamic team, watching the interaction, the styles of influencing and leadership, the cultural behavior of many 'green card' technologists, the waning enthusiasm as we move onto to the next steps of our lives. One colleague told me to write a novel, so I guess I can use this time to find characters.

I am reading commentaries about Ann Lamott. I listened to a number of NPR essays on writers and learned about her for the first time. I also heard an interview of May Sarton and have found her poems. I listen to novels and non-fiction in the car and find a voice adds a new dimension to a work. My mother who has macular degeneration can only read through listening. I empathize with her as I look forward to my daily commute stories; some days, in fact, I want to stay in the car rather than get on with the day. Somehow books I listen to remain in my memory more readily than the ones I read. Recently Maniza Naqvi, a Pakistan writer, came to discuss her work Stay With Me with a group at my home. It was not an easy book to understand; when Maniza read, the book took on new coloration. The oral traditions is returning.

I have started over the last few years to read several books at the same time, in addition to those on tape. I am reading Purple Hibiscus, a biography of Mary Elgin, and A Short Walk in the Hindu Kush. With them I move through time and geography; I find the contrast creates focus as I pick up a new chapter. I think I felt so deprived of reading when my children were young and I was working that I am trying to make up for lost time. I even look forward to long airplane rides which give me permission to do nothing but read.

Today one daughter turns 29. She was due in early March but prolonged her birth to the very end. (She chose not to be induced on April Fool's Day!) That March was very long as has been the one this year.